Jennifer Thomson

December 31, 2012December 31, 2012

The Rule of 2013

Everyone’s talking about their resolutions and such for the new year ahead.
I too have been down that road, but I’ve honestly never stayed true to many of them. I usually forget about them, or only half commit myself to them, which results in sub-par results.

So, I’ve decided to go into this with a different approach. I’ve made a ‘mantra’ for myself, a word of the year.

SELFISH.

In 2013, I will be selfish.

I will go with every urgent gut instinct that kicks in and I’m going to follow my heart’s every desire. When I want to do something, I’ll do it; if it’s something (an idea, a concept, a goal) that will make me happy, I’ll jump on board. When decisions need to be made that affect anyone including myself, I will be at the top of the priority list.

I’m going to be more kind to myself, pay more attention to myself and my needs. I’m going to cater to my own self-confidence, personal happiness, and complete contentment. I’m going to enjoy being me.

In 2013, I will read more books, blog more happy thoughts, and expand my potential. I will make this city I live in my “home”, and spend less time grasping at the life I left behind. I plan on spending this year making pleasant memories, and I hope I can make it a year of a lot less sad, sorrow filled tears.

2013 is going to be my year and I’m going to do things my way. I’ve spent too much time as of late being concerned about what others think and say, trying much too hard to keep others pleased – which more often than not, leaves me in a worn out, miserable, stressed and less than satisfactory state.

I know this all might sound completely cliche and vague. It most likely sounds incredibly self-absorbed and I don’t really care. I haven’t set any definitive and time sensitive goals like “go skydiving” or “run a 10k marathon” or “successfully complete 30 burpees in 1 minute by March 3rd” – because that’s not what I want, and it’s not how I want to live my life. I will create a bucket list of many a thing I’d like to accomplish, but that’s not the point here; those small (or large) feats won’t be the drive of 2013.
My goal in this new year is to be more self-aware, feel good and love almost every single moment of my life.

2013 is about embracing myself and doing everything I personally can to be the best me, in my own eyes.

In 2013, I will be selfish.

December 31, 2012January 2, 2013

the Jacket.

I drove past a man today, wearing a recognizably familiar coat. It was nothing extravagant, but it caught my eye and suddenly had me daydreaming of days that once were.

Instantly, I was 20 years old again and in the middle of a relationship with my very first true love. Steve* had the very same dull, burnt desert orange, worker’s jacket. He wore it on frequent occasion or had it resting on the bottom post of his bed frame, just waiting to be quickly picked up and thrown around his shoulders.
It was heavy and it was warm; I had worn it a few times myself when I extra chilly, whilst watching him smoke outside. It ruffled with rough, scratchy sounds whenever I wrapped my arms around him while he wore it, making him seem much bulkier than his usual slim body frame.
As often as Steve wore that jacket, he rarely zipped it up and you could usually see a skate/snowboarding company logo on a dark t-shirt beneath it. Reminded of that very fact, I vividly flashed back to the many times I would reach my hands past the zippers of the jacket and rustle those tees, running my hands along his soft, ivory skin…

That simple thought in itself sent a hint of shivers down my spine. So tame, but I remember being so attracted to him and during the good times, we really enjoyed eachother’s company. He was one of the people I truly felt myself around and never felt self-conscious of myself with – until things got unstable, messy and completely unsalvageable (leading to our bitter end).

A jacket… I saw an older man wearing a jacket, just walking down the street – he looked like he was on his way home from a long, dirty day at work – and all I could think of was a boy I used to know, with soft white skin and some of the best and softest kisses I’ve ever had.

Weird how that happens, hmm?

*name has obviously been changed for privacy and less drama kind of stuff.

December 28, 2012

That’s the Way Love Goes.

I wanted to know more about you. I wanted to understand you, learn about who you were, and why.

I barely knew you, I had nothing to go off of. I’d heard stories, been given advice and cautionary warnings, but I wanted to know for myself. I felt the itch, I took the risk, and I dove right into your charming ways.

You were more than I could have ever expected, more than what I had hoped for or even wanted. You were no longer a stranger, but someone I couldn’t go a day without talking to, thinking about; all of the sudden, I missed you.

I didn’t want to become one of the girls you had always spoken of and told me about. That was not going to be, me. As badly as I wanted you, I tried not to give in. I told myself it was a lie, that it meant nothing.
I didn’t want to get hurt, I wasn’t going to let you hurt me.

I wasn’t supposed to feel this way about you,
I shouldn’t love you…

…but I do.