Author: Jennifer

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A Taste of Turkey – Just One Extra Thing to Be Thankful For.

“We don’t need to have a single bite of turkey to be thankful for this life.” (quoted by my darling friend, CJ).

A holiday, an extra day off work and a lil’ bit of a longer weekend to appreciate every day we have behind and ahead of us is just the cool whip on top of the pumpkin pie.

I usually spend a moment of every single day wondering how I’ve managed to get to this point. I know that in the grand scheme of things, life’s been pretty decent. It could be a whole lot worse for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s always been peachy keen and easy.

Heart breaks after heart breaks. Too many little mistakes, followed by bigger mistakes. Poor choices and  poor planning. Life changing decisions that lead to… well, life changes that I didn’t always expect.

I’ve done good things and bad things. I’ve accomplished a lot, and fucked everything up every now and then.

But, I’m still here. As far as I know, I’ve got some years ahead of me still. If life’s taught me anything, it’s that anything can and will happen.

You know what: all of that combined is definitely something to be thankful for.

This year hasn’t been the best of them so far. For all I know, it’s not the worst. But it’s had it’s share of ups and downs, and I managed to make it to this point without completely losing my mind. I’m thankful for the things that helped me maintain my sanity:

Someone was generous enough to implement the expedited passport. Sure, they didn’t guarantee a simple stress free process, but they made it a thing- which meant that earlier this year when that despicable cancer thing got hold of “Lola”, I was able to board my spontaneously booked flight and spend some last special moments with my grandma before she passed. Speaking of which, I’m also grateful for doctors, nurses and Starbucks employees who love their job so much that they make me and my family feel welcome with every visit, over and over and over again.

I’m grateful for gym memberships and a gym that opens early enough to get the hardest part of my day out of the way by 8am. I’m grateful for people who motivate me, inspire me, and give me an extra reason to get out of bed in the morning. Thanks to their support and good influence, I’ve got some serious quads of steel (plus, an entire body in pretty decent shape).

I’m glad that even though I have no idea what I’m doing, I’ve got continuous opportunities to take another shot. I’m glad I have people (who I can call my friends) who don’t give up on me, who love me despite how dramatic I can be, and who push me to always be better than I was the day before. It’s my best of good friends, the most adorable little human beings, and fantastically talented and most incredible people on this earth that give me extra motivation to be my very best. Bless all their souls, for continuously lifting me up. 

As always, my heart couldn’t be more full of love and admiration for the people I call my family. Despite the person I’ve been in the past and the choices I make towards my future, they hold my hand with no judgement. I’m glad that they’re the type of people to put family first, and they’re not afraid to consistently remind me that they love me; they’re the people who say those 3 little words out loud, all the time, because they know how important they are. I know not everyone in this world is lucky to have people like that in their life, so I appreciate mine more than I could even explain.

It makes me happy that I live in a world with jelly beans and peppermint tea and coffee that actually tastes delicious with no cream or sugar. It makes me smile that there are cute pandas and beautiful strangers, and heart shaped rocks scattered along nearby beaches to enjoy. Things like caramel flavoured iron supplements, extra strength Advil, hot stone massages and group therapy that make life a little easier – I can appreciate that. Lululemon pants, good books, and oversized hoodies that keep you warm make life a little more enjoyable – I like that they exist. And a job, a paycheque, and decent health keep me going every day… I’m thankful that I have all these things and more.

I’m glad that I have good people, far and near, to help through the hard times and make the good times more memorable. I’m glad I have money and materialistic things to make me feel better, even if it’s just for a moment. I’m glad that I have a choice to be who I am, and that people around me are cool with it. 

Life doesn’t always make sense, and I’m always trying to find my way through the mess of it all – but I’m okay with that. Sure, it gets a little chaotic at times, but maybe it would be a little less awesome without the adventures filled with love and life lessons. The plot twists make it all a bit more interesting, and at the very least, make for a good story in the inevitable end.

I don’t really need a special day to be thankful for waking up every day for another chance to make something of ourselves. But I’ve got one, it gives me a day off work, and it comes with turkey dinner, and stuffing, marshmallow yam casseroles, plus pumpkin pie for dessert. It’s a pretty good deal, really.

I can’t control what the universe dishes out on the daily, but I do know that it gives me a lot of reasons to feel fortunate.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you feel even just a little bit as lucky as I do on my best days in this life.

Happy thanksgiving, you wonderful human being. I hope you find at least one really good reason to smile today. IMG_8770

<3

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Guilty Pleasures

Sometimes, I sneak into the kitchen and steal a couple of extra scoops of ice cream when no one’s looking.
Not that there’s anything wrong with eating ice cream… but I already had an entire bowl of the stuff, drowning in a warm bath of chocolate sauce.

I’ll admit that I’ve plotted great stories, called in sick to work, and told many a white lie to get out of being around other people – because I just want to be alone with a cheesy romantic comedy and my tears.

I’ve missed paying off important bills and avoided calls from the bank, because I wanted to indulge in a new pair of shoes, a mini-vacation, or a night out on the town.
I pretend to be on my phone to avoid awkward situations, I pretend not to see people to avoid uncomfortable confrontations, and I’ve purposely ignored endless phonecalls, text messages, and any sort of contact from friends because I’m just too lazy to care (at the moment).

There are times when I pretend to be happy, when I pretend to give a shit. There are times when I’ve messed up and I blamed it all on someone else. I’ve had one night stands, I cheated on a boyfriend, and I usually flirt dangerously with dramatic situations that will definitely lead to trouble.

Sometimes, I decide to go for what I want instead of what I need. I choose to be bad instead of good, and I love every minute of it. Sometimes, I don’t feel bad for being selfish.

I’m guilty of it all.

 

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Heartbreak

Dear Jen,

Damnit, I know your heart is broken. It sucks, and hurts more than you ever remember it possible.

But this – the crying, being sorry for yourself, the exhausting venture of feeling like absolutely nothing – needs to stop. Or at least start slowing down until it’s gone.

It was bad enough that your heart was shattered and now you’re trying to pick up the pieces but you’re exhausted too. You’re spending all your energy between being miserable and fighting for attention from someone who doesn’t deserve your attention – and you, are better than that.

You should never have to try and ‘win someone over’. It’s not your fault that someone out there doesn’t understand the awesome that you radiate every day, or that their weird personality isn’t compatible with your own.

You don’t have to prove yourself to people for their love.

Okay, so you liked him. A lot. He made you feel good, he made you feel beautiful. He let you be yourself without worry. But you have to believe me when I tell you that 1) he’s not the only one who can or does make you feel that way *look around you and think about the people in your life* and 2) you are all those things without him. If anything, he just somehow helped them become more prominent to you.

Go ahead and feel all the feelings. Be mad and throw things if you need to. Be sad and cry it all out. Get angry, go ahead and feel like shit. Hide yourself under a blanket for a few hours and avoid the world if that’s all you feel like doing for a while. It’s not wrong to feel this way, but don’t forget all those other times when you’ve felt so much better than this – and keep that in mind as something to get back to.

You are a good person. In fact, I’m sure a lot of people think you’re better than “good”. You are beautiful, inside and out. And there are plenty of people who admire, respect, and adore you simply because you are… you.

If this guy was really meant for you, he’d be here right now. If this dude actually respected you, he wouldn’t have ended things over a damn text message and continue to treat you like someone way below your worth. If he truly realized how fucking fantastic you are, he wouldn’t have walked away.

Let’s just be real – this guy, isn’t for you. He may look good and seem desirable on paper, but if you just take a second to step outside that little bubble world of yours, you might get a clear vision of all the reasons why he’s not as great as you think he is.

Love and lust have this crazy effect on us, and they make us do crazy things. They send us into a spin of overwhelming emotions and encourage us to react in irrational ways. Love and lust can change us for the better and the worst, and the good and the bad…

But you can’t forget who you are and the person you’ve always been. Do not lose the best attributes of yourself in this less-than-perfect time of your life.

It was good, then it was so good. Then it went bad, to sour, to completely rancid. No one likes when things go horribly wrong, but you’ve got to look for all the lessons to be learned from the people that come into your life ( and leave it). From this situation alone, there’s so much to learn as well.

A wise one once said, “you’ll be lucky to only go through this a few more times.” He’s right.

This isn’t the first heart break you’ve ever had, and it might not be the last – but you’ve done it before and you’re still here and you survived. If it happens again, you’ll get through it because you’ll be learn from it. When you learn, you will grow. You’ll be stronger and braver. You will keep evolving into a more incredible human being with every blow to your heart.

So c’mon, girl. It’s time to start believing in yourself again. Let it hurt… but not for too long. Life’s too short to waste time, so get ready to move on to better things, and a better you – because of this.

After all, that’s what you deserve.

Love, yourself.