… I’m lying in bed, you’re next to me. We’re tangled in the duvet, and intertwined with each other.
The night falls outside the window, and we’re just laughing with one another, and I rest my head into it’s perfect little spot of you. Your hand holds mine, while you gently press your lips just below my hairline on my forehead. I could fall asleep in the warmth of your arms, and then wake up and kiss you good morning, and then quietly crawl out of bed to make you coffee and breakfast. While you eat, I’d slide back under the covers, and run my fingers along your skin… for the rest of the day, slowly falling for you a little bit more…
I’m awake now.
I’m alone, half covered by the sheets and the duvet in a lump beside me. My pillowcase smells of my shampoo, the scent of laundry soap is barely identifiable on the covers anymore; your scent is nowhere, and I can barely remember what it smells like. As I escape from my bed, goosebumps rise along my skin – and I instantly wish they had been caused by the touch of your fingers grazing my arms. This morning is cold and lonely, and I miss you incredibly – even though you’ve never been here before.
If you feel tired by the end of today (and many other days), it’s probably because you’ve have been running through my mind for hours. By the end of each day, I will likely have drafted numerous texts to you – simple “hello, how are you, whatcha’ doing, can I see you?” kinds of things – but I won’t send them. I might never send any them. I shouldn’t send them.
I’ve visited your page a few too many times, re-read old threads of text messages we exchanged, and gotten lost in daydreams of the very few moments I’ve shared with you. It’s all I have right now; it’s all I’ll ever have.
You’re a dream, day and night.
You’re my all day, every day.
You’re my nightmares and my sweetest dreams.
You are my 2am thoughts.
It’s lust – because I want you, need you, crave you more than I could ever imagine. It’s love – because it’s overwhelming, and there’s that spark we can’t put out. And yet, it’s nothing.Because there are rules, and rights and wrongs, and the timing is all off.
There are pieces missing, and it’s not perfect, and it’s not meant to be.
You’re not my ride or die, forever and always, I can’t live without you, absolute dream man – but I can’t let go of you, not yet.
And here I am, awake, while you’re doing your own thing – and maybe… you’re thinking of me too.
All I can do is wonder.
And hope.
And wait for another life time when this might just work out.
And lie here, staring at the ceiling, imaging what you might be doing right now, tomorrow, every day after that.I will just lie here, curled up with this empty bed around me…
You’re only in my mind.
