love – Page 2 – Jennifer Thomson

June 13, 2014June 13, 2014

Confession: I Cheated

17 is a scary time to fall in love with someone.

Like many people who fall rapidly from lust to love with someone for the first time, I had no idea what I was doing or getting myself into. I didn’t know where the suffocating honeymoon traits were supposed to end and where realistic approaches to spending time with someone came into play.

In the minimal moments we spent apart, I thought about him. When they happened more often than not, I longed for him. I understood that we both deserved personal space to do our own thing, but I couldn’t help but miss him.

Just at the tail end of my teenage years, I still held tight to my belief of my fairy-tale like, romantic comedy inspired love. When the “I love you” texts weren’t constant or when the affection wasn’t excessive and overwhelming, I worried slightly.

It didn’t help when rumours started swirling that he was talking to other girls I’d never heard about and my very own friends. I panicked, of course. When I confronted him, he denied it. Of course.

This was the part when I was supposed to walk away. Tell him to pay attention to me and treat me like he loved me, or say goodbye.

But, my heart didn’t really want to get rid of him. His constant denial made it obvious that he wasn’t going to dramatically change anything, because he didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong.

Selfishly, I took matters into my own hands – trying to have the best of both worlds: a boyfriend, and someone to kiss when my boyfriend was less loving than usual. Looking back now, I realize how foolish I was.

I can’t say anything that will justify me kissing another guy when I had a boyfriend. There is no excuse for lying to him about where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing – even if he wasn’t treating me right.

I was punished for my poor decisions. Our trust was completely broken, which played a part in our eventual break up farther down the road.

Here’s what I learned:

Unhappiness is something to talk about. Speak up, explain what’s wrong, and figure out how you are going to fix it – together.

Cheating is unfair and stupid. Once it’s done, you can’t take it back; the moments of pleasure aren’t worth it and the pain you feel or cause are ultimately impossible to fix.

Don’t do it.
Because I did it once when I was 17, and I was wrong.

October 14, 2013October 14, 2013

Love and Thanks.

We should always spend a little time to reflect on the reasons we have to smile, but Thanksgiving is a special occasion to devote a little bit of extra gratitude to the little things that make our life a happier one.

For the first time in 2 years, I don’t have to board a plane or drive for hours just to be with the people I adore the most; for that, I’m incredibly grateful. But aside from waking up in my own bed, in the city I’ve loved all my life – this year during the most humble holiday of the year…

I’m most thankful for love.

Before you think this is going to turn into some sappy post about the love of my life and some guy who swept me off my feet – don’t worry it’s not. Because although I’m a huge hopeless romantic and usually get wrapped up in that cheesy, love of my life kind of stuff (and I am thankful to have found ‘love-love’ this year) I’m actually talking about the unconditional, raw, and genuine love from friends, family, and random strangers.

I’m thankful for family members who call me just to make sure I’m okay and to tell me that they miss me, for cousins who might as well be my brothers, and for aunts/uncles who play the role as my parents because they love me as their own.

I talk about being an only child all the time, but it’s not entirely true, and I’m grateful to have a half siblings that I can turn to when I need to – despite the fact that there’s a huge distances between where we live, our age, and our personalities. It’s cool to know that even though our lives have always been completely separated, we can still be a family and love each other as so.

I consider myself extremely lucky to have met some of the most compassionate, wonderful, and authentically beautiful human beings on the planet. Even better, is that I get to call them my friends.

I’m thankful to have good people with good hearts, who hold my hand and let me lean on their shoulder when I need it the most. I’m so happy to know people who don’t judge me on my flaws, encourage my better qualities, and who believe in me more than I sometimes believe in myself.

I’m grateful for old friends who found their way back into my life and made it better, and to random strangers who wiggled their way into my heart. There’s also certain, very special individuals who love me against all odds and dramatic life events – and I’m glad you’re here.

Every day, I feel overwhelmed with the love I’m offered by all sorts of different, amazing people in my life. Girls, guys, mentors, kindred souls and fellow warriors who dish out the best hugs, the most valuable advice and who stand behind me no matter my mood. They’re the people who sit with me when I’m sad, let me be mad, and force me to smile when I need a good reminder of how awesome this life is.

Life is a whole lot more beautiful because the love I share with so many incredible human beings. I hope you all know who you are – and I thank you for sharing a little bit of your hearts.

I’ve definitely got a soft spot for every single one of you in mine.

February 20, 2013

Love, Myself.

I am the type of person who learns about life’s realities, by making fast choices and impulse decisions. I follow my gut instincts, follow my own heart, and do things according to my own schedule, wants, needs, and desires.

My life is a little insane, but I guess that’s what makes it worth living. It’s the pure madness of it all, that usually gives me something to write about (a characteristic which I have a love/hate relationship with).

This weekend didn’t veer far from my path of endless adventures. I drove for 3 hours with the ugly, fluorescent “Check Engine” light haunting me from my dashboard, I spent 20 minutes with a Tarot Card reader who forecasted the next 6 months of my life. My car then broke down pretty much in the middle of nowhere, I spent the night in a dingy hotel, and my car is potentially facing it’s death.

Sitting in my broken car waiting for a tow truck, and hoping that the semi-trucks speeding past me wouldn’t blow me off the road, I momentarily wished I could switch lives with someone. For a moment, I wondered what it would be like to experience an ‘ordinary’ life… where simple things happened and each day just came and went.

It sounded relaxing; the thought of living without unexpected worry seemed intriguing…
but I quickly caught myself. How boring would a simple, ‘ordinary’ life be? What would I ever write about? And what stories would I share with (other people’s) grandchildren when I’m stuck in a rocking chair at the age of 103?

Sure – my life is so incredibly far from perfect. Most times, it’s agonizing, frustrating, stressful and insane. But why not embrace it? I can’t change it, so I’ve gotta’ make the best of it.

I’m going to love my life – the beautiful, chaotic mess it is.