17 is a scary time to fall in love with someone.
Like many people who fall rapidly from lust to love with someone for the first time, I had no idea what I was doing or getting myself into. I didn’t know where the suffocating honeymoon traits were supposed to end and where realistic approaches to spending time with someone came into play.
In the minimal moments we spent apart, I thought about him. When they happened more often than not, I longed for him. I understood that we both deserved personal space to do our own thing, but I couldn’t help but miss him.
Just at the tail end of my teenage years, I still held tight to my belief of my fairy-tale like, romantic comedy inspired love. When the “I love you” texts weren’t constant or when the affection wasn’t excessive and overwhelming, I worried slightly.
It didn’t help when rumours started swirling that he was talking to other girls I’d never heard about and my very own friends. I panicked, of course. When I confronted him, he denied it. Of course.
This was the part when I was supposed to walk away. Tell him to pay attention to me and treat me like he loved me, or say goodbye.
But, my heart didn’t really want to get rid of him. His constant denial made it obvious that he wasn’t going to dramatically change anything, because he didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong.
Selfishly, I took matters into my own hands – trying to have the best of both worlds: a boyfriend, and someone to kiss when my boyfriend was less loving than usual. Looking back now, I realize how foolish I was.
I can’t say anything that will justify me kissing another guy when I had a boyfriend. There is no excuse for lying to him about where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing – even if he wasn’t treating me right.
I was punished for my poor decisions. Our trust was completely broken, which played a part in our eventual break up farther down the road.
Here’s what I learned:
Unhappiness is something to talk about. Speak up, explain what’s wrong, and figure out how you are going to fix it – together.
Cheating is unfair and stupid. Once it’s done, you can’t take it back; the moments of pleasure aren’t worth it and the pain you feel or cause are ultimately impossible to fix.
Don’t do it.
Because I did it once when I was 17, and I was wrong.