I am smart enough to realize that I don’t need you, despite what I once believed. I know that we truthfully aren’t meant to be, and that we’re better off as friends. I quite aware of all this, and most of the time, I’m okay with it.
But that’s when you’re not around, and when I haven’t seen or talked to you in a while.
As soon as I see you again, everything changes.
I remember how handsome you are and I’m reminded of your great tastes in music and casual attire. Without much effort, you make me laugh. Being in your presence gives me butterflies and makes me weak at the knees.
When I’m with you, the world stops. Every time I see you, it’s like I fall harder and faster than the time before. In a quick moment, you steal my heart and all the beliefs I had about you and I completely disappear. Suddenly, I want you – so bad.
You’re bad news, you’re trouble. I was once your rebound, and I’ll likely never be your ‘first choice’. Somehow, you manage to charm me into forgetting all the times you made me very angry and caused me incredible frustration. I momentarily dismiss your lack of respect for me, your minimal efforts with me. Your charisma is overwhelming and powerful; my defense and willpower is weak.
I almost believe you might have changed, that maybe with a little extra effort, this all might be possible. Maybe, this might be real this time.
But it never is. And I’m just filled with false hope.
On the surface, I’m captured by lust and the dreams of a fairytale romance. But deep within me, my heart is just breaking along the same spots where you’ve shattered it before.
This isn’t love, it’s a game. And for the millionth time, I’ve lost again.
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