Letting Go

I found myself in a pile of old emails tonight.

It all started with a forgotten password and a lost email to create a new password, and all of the sudden I was sifting through thousands of emails that had been sitting and collecting dust for the past 4+ years.

And there, amidst irrelevant email subscriptions and insignificant chatter, were piles words from “the One Who Got Away”.

I read them. I cried. I wallowed in my own self-pity.

I wondered why the fuck those emails were still in there.

Sure, there were about 19,567 other emails that didn’t need to be in there either, but those emails should have disappeared when he did.

I knew they should be gone. I wanted them gone.

Yet even now, so many years later, my little arrow hovered over the delete button.

I didn’t want to let go.

And so with a sad heart and the broken memories of my past, I went to bed.

And then I had nightmares about the emails.

I relived all the unhappiness they brought me while I slept, and woke up unhappy.

So before I could even make my breakfast, I had to delete the emails.

I hovered over that delete button again, but this time I followed through.

I needed to let go.

Because…

I don’t want to be reminded of toxic people who hurt me.

I don’t need to be reminded of memories that now only have the power to break my heart.

I definitely never need to stress or have nightmares about anything that makes me unhappy.

I have no time for unhappiness in my life.
I only have time for people who love me and experiences that make me smile.

If never let go of all the bad, there will never be enough room for the excessive amount of goodness I wish for my life to be.

So, I’m slowly learning to let go of any little thing that causes negativity in my life.

One email, one person, one bad memory at a time.