February 2013:
I vividly remember myself curled in a fetal position before the mirrored closet in my apartment. I had binged again, after binging so many days in a row.
I was mad at myself. I was so disappointed in myself. I was exhausted by my behaviours. And I was scared of how mad, sad, unhappy, and tired I would continue to be if this kept going. I was terrified where this toxic habit was going to lead my life.
I didn’t want to do it anymore. But on my own, I was helpless.
March 2013:
I quit my job. I packed up my apartment. I moved back into my parents’ home.
I had no idea how I was going to make money to pay bills or what I was going to do with my days; I just knew I had to be home, and I had to find a way to reach my potential. I had to learn to believe in myself and to love myself if I wanted to keep living my life.
Progress.
Over 3 years, I took a whole lot of time for me. I lost myself, and discovered a whole lot about myself. I found out who and what made my soul happy. In 3 years, I practiced falling in love with who I am. I now understand the importance of being selfish, of standing up for myself, and doing whatever is necessary to create a life that makes me happy.
I knew that I had to make my health a priority, but choosing to walk away from a career I loved was very hard on my heart. And even though the last few years at home (in Vancouver) have been full of so many life-changing experiences, I have never stopped thinking about the one day when I could finally return to a profession in creative writing.
That day is just around the corner.
Conflict:
I’m excited for a new chapter in my life; a fresh start and a new adventure to embark on.
I’m thrilled at the idea of writing full-time, working with other creative genius’ and masterminds, letting my words touch the lives of others and cause influence.
I am sad. My heart breaks at the thought of leaving behind so many people who I adore and appreciate. The thought of changing great friendships from face-to-face to FaceTime and text messages is depressing.
I fear the unknown. An unfamiliar city, a place where I know enough people to count on one hand alone, a new home base that’s hours away from all the people I know and I love. A new workplace, a job I’ve been somewhat out of touch with.
There are so many emotions. It’s a lot to absorb.
I am scared.
Will it be everything I hoped for? Am I going to get homesick?
Will I relapse?
Am I going to be okay? Is everything going to work out?
Will I be happy?
Change:
There’s a quote I love that says:
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” (ND Walsch)
—> All I want to do is live my life to the max.
I love Vancouver. I love the ocean, the mountains, the plethora of fitness options and sushi options and local drinking holes. I love the people who love to live here, the men and women in tight, curve hugging, yoga pants and all the beautiful neighbours who share my love for Whole Foods. I adore the enthusiasm for local artists and entrepreneurs, and the way we (eventually) come together to create all sorts of excellence.
This city is home in so many ways, and my heart loves it so. But, I have struggled to find something here; a purpose that lights a fire inside of me, and sparks my truest passions.
One of the perks of being a young + single individual is having the freedom to pack up and go exploring as I please. I can selfishly attend to any opportunity that calls me, and I can freely pursue my personal journey in new surroundings.
So, while Calgary is not the most magical place on the planet – it’s somewhere new that will challenge me, help me grow, and teach me more about myself and this life I live.
Calgary, as mediocre as it may seem to so many other historical, monumental, and intriguing spots across the globe – it’s a different city than I’m used to, and it has all the potential to change my life.
And, I have no doubt that it will.
Embark:
Give or take a few days, it’s been exactly 3 years since I decided to come back to my zone of comfort and live a life that seemed more familiar; it provided a better guarantee of a life I would be used to and that wouldn’t throw me off course.
I returned to Vancouver in 2013, feeling lost, unsettled, and unhappy. As you’re reading this, I’m an emotional mess and on my to somewhere else with a full heart, a higher self of confidence than I felt even just last year, and I’m really looking forward to what’s waiting for me in that city on the other side of the Rockies.
2013-2016 in Vancouver: Interesting. Captivating. Full of surprises. Those years taught me so much about who Jennifer Thomson is, and can continue to be with constant finesse.
March 2016: I’m driving off to the unknown, fearful and excited about the whole scenario.
Here we go, with no plans to turn back.
And as emotional as it all is – I can put a brave face on knowing that I’ve got an army of people supporting me on this entire journey.
And that, means everything. This wouldn’t be happening without my tribe.
I’ll miss you, Vancouver. You will always be home.
Calgary – it’s time to make some f*cking magic happen. You ready?