Category: Little Thoughts.

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People, Change.

I made a mistake today. (not that this is anything new, I make mistakes all the time)
Today, I took one gigantic step backwards and dove right into the haunting of my past. Taking a break from the work routine and perusing social media outlets, I ventured over to the ex-boyfriend’s account to see how (un-satisfactory perhaps?) life was going for him.

Initially, I saw nothing of interest – until a certain post caught my eye. Turns out him and his new girlfriend were “braving the Coquihalla for the Lady Gaga concert”.
Um… interesting. 

Now, my musical tastes don’t peak at the thought of seeing Lady Gaga Live in Concert, but I’m pretty sure that in another time (and if I was the type to go ga-ga for Gaga), he would have never offered to accompany me to the show. If anything at all, he might have maybe bought me a ticket (although unlikely, considering those tickets probably cost a pretty penny, and he’d have to buy one for my stand-in date), OR I’d have to entice him with returning favours to join me in attendance for such an event.

Anyways, the point of this whole thing is this:

I find it sort of amusing, and somewhat frightening that people can always continue to surprise us; you think you know plenty about someone, only to eventually find out that maybe you never really knew them at all.
From the deepest darkest secrets, to great accomplishments and embarrassing flaws – at one point, you’re the keeper of every fact that may or may not define them. But as quickly as the scenario and circumstances of your relationship can change, that person you thought you knew all of the sudden becomes someone else; a stranger.

I’m sure that I too have been guilty of such personable changes, and maybe people held judgement against me for it (as I’m doing right now)…
It’s just interesting. That’s all.

keep-calm-posters-people-change-quote

 

 

 

… and now I can’t help but wonder if he’s actually going to be standing up whilst singing and dancing along to “Born This Way”, or hoping that he doesn’t see any familiar faces in the crowd.

 

 

 

 

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Getting Things Done in 2013.

Well here’s my bucket list for 2013. It’s just things I’ve been thinking about for quite sometime, but never got around to… probably because I had no money, I was too stressed out about making someone else happy, or I was too busy crying about how unhappy I was.
(it’s sad, I know. I’ll accept as many hugs as you want to offer)

I thought it’d be cool to find 213 things to do-  [I know that the year is actually 2013, but that’s a big feat] – but I originally started with 23. Since this was originally posted on January 2 – I’ve decided to add some more ideas! There’s just so many awesome, cool and fun things to do…

Anyways, here’s some things I should probably cross off the list this year:

1. Fly like a bird. It’s time to zip atop the trees and feel the wind in my face – Zipline adventure time!!

2. Take a reading break. A whole weekend dedicated to reading the stack of books I continuously fail to indulge in.

3. I’d like to paddle my little heart out on a dragon boat.

4. There needs to be more love letters; and I need to actually send them.

5. I’d like to kiss a man with a beautiful, kempt beard. (just, because)

6. Attend an East Indian Wedding. Endless days and nights of partying, fancy outfits, music and dancing…? Yes, please.

7. Spend less time judging my reflection. I have to embrace my body and be patient as I try to ‘perfect’ it.

8. Escape the noise pollution and city lights and lose myself in the presence of the star-filled skies.

9. Practice finding inner peace, and finally incorporate more yoga into my life.

10. Those boudoir shots from a few years back are getting quite stale… I should really update them this year.

11. Practice being domestic and stuff- must make at least one or two recipes from Dad’s cookbook gift.

12. Explore the entire length of the West Coast and end up in Disneyland. (Road trip!)

13. Visit the 2nd dirtiest place in the world: the Seattle gumwall! 

14. Skate ’round the rink at Rockefeller Centre, NYC.

15. Enjoy more spiderman kisses.

16. Get inked. Again. (Mom, don’t even start. Just smile, and accept it)

17.  Spend an entire day in bed, and not feel guilty about it.

18. Compete in the bikini class of a fitness show (Kelowna, May 2013!)

19. Run across the Capilano Suspension Bridge. Just because (and to continue to conquer my fear of heights)

20. Make a long-overdue trek to Vancouver Island.

21. Call my sister more often. Something like, once a month. (that’s better than not at all in the past 15 years!)

22. Pay off my Visa bill. (That poor thing is always maxed out)

23. Run the seawall. The WHOLE seawall!

24. Make green eggs and ham.

25.  Visit a psychic.  

26.  Treat my beautiful face to it’s very first facial.

27. Hike the Chief.  

28. Drop and complete 10 full push-ups. (I know, I’m a weakling)

There’s so many other things I should do, can do, and will likely do as this year progresses. But I’m just going to hang out with these ideas for a bit and see where life takes me.

Check back often – I’ll likely tweak this list and there’s a good probability that there will be stories, pictures, and adventures to blog about!

– J. 

 

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the Jacket.

I drove past a man today, wearing a recognizably familiar coat. It was nothing extravagant, but it caught my eye and suddenly had me daydreaming of days that once were.

Instantly, I was 20 years old again and in the middle of a relationship with my very first true love. Steve* had the very same dull, burnt desert orange, worker’s jacket. He wore it on frequent occasion or had it resting on the bottom post of his bed frame, just waiting to be quickly picked up and thrown around his shoulders.
It was heavy and it was warm; I had worn it a few times myself when I extra chilly, whilst watching him smoke outside. It ruffled with rough, scratchy sounds whenever I wrapped my arms around him while he wore it, making him seem much bulkier than his usual slim body frame.
As often as Steve wore that jacket, he rarely zipped it up and you could usually see a skate/snowboarding company logo on a dark t-shirt beneath it. Reminded of that very fact, I vividly flashed back to the many times I would reach my hands past the zippers of the jacket and rustle those tees, running my hands along his soft, ivory skin…

That simple thought in itself sent a hint of shivers down my spine. So tame, but I remember being so attracted to him and during the good times, we really enjoyed eachother’s company. He was one of the people I truly felt myself around and never felt self-conscious of myself with – until things got unstable, messy and completely unsalvageable (leading to our bitter end).

A jacket… I saw an older man wearing a jacket, just walking down the street – he looked like he was on his way home from a long, dirty day at work – and all I could think of was a boy I used to know, with soft white skin and some of the best and softest kisses I’ve ever had.

 

Weird how that happens, hmm?

 

 

 

 

 

*name has obviously been changed for privacy and less drama kind of stuff.